Thursday, April 21, 2011

Essay 4.1


The Severity of an Unexcused Absence

            I can always feel it coming. That uncomfortable feeling in the back of your throat, the hesitation when you swallow, and even the achiness in your neck. When I get sick, I always know ahead of time. Getting sick in college, however, has been a completely new experience for me. The week before spring break I woke up one morning and felt it. The mucus from my unusually runny nose had begun to coat my throat and I just knew that the day ahead of me was going to be rough. Without my mom around to bring me medicine or orange juice, I dangerously balanced on the top of my chair as I reached to the top of my closet to access my medicine basket. Had I fallen, I really think I would have just given up for the day and laid there until my roommate returned to get me up. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) I was able to grab my bottle of Ibuprofen and move forward with my day. I stuffed my pockets with tissues and went down to the dining hall to get some orange juice. I felt alright at that point. On the sickometer, I would give it a 5. However, as the day went on, I started to feel worse and worse. My head ached and my neck was stiff. All I wanted to do was find as many blankets as possible, crawl in bed and heat up some tomato soup for myself. I managed to get through my classes and work and finally got back to my room at around 7:15. I reset my alarm for the next morning, loaded up on Ibuprofen, and went to bed.
            As soon as my alarm went of in the morning, I could feel that the sickometer had moved up to a ten overnight and I was incapable of leaving my room. Even if I could, I did not want to risk infecting all of my classmates and ruining the weekend of somebody else. As sick as I was, I realized I still had one more issue to factor in: the absence policy for the theater department states that “The only absences that will be excused are those due to a verifiable emergency such as: illness requiring attention by a health care provider; the hospitalization, death, or serious illness of a family member; or required appearance in a court of law” and that “After one unexcused absence, each unexcused absence will lower the final grade 1/3 point (A to A-, B- to C+, etc.)” (Current Student Resources, para. 1). While some of my classes outside of the department offer a few “free” unexcused absences, my grade will still be docked once those days pass.  What makes this serious is that if my GPA is ever to drop below a 3.0 by the end of spring semester my freshman, sophomore, or junior year, I lose my scholarship that allows me to be here. For me, this is not just another college. Ithaca College, to me, is a dream that I have been given the chance to fulfill. Theater behind the scenes has been my passion since I discovered it in 4th grade. It is the perfect combination of artistic expression, nerdy technical gadgetry, and rugged construction ideas that satisfies all of my aspirations. The theater program at Ithaca College is ranked among the top ten in the nation, essentially making it an Ivy League level program. Students go through auditions and interviews to get in, spend up to 80 hours a week working on productions and doing the assortment of assigned projects for design and technical classes, and on top of that, at least a third of the total 18-20 students entering will be cut from the program with in the first two years just because the teachers do not see enough potential in them. Graduating students often find work at the Broadway level, which is certainly on the top of my “To-Do” list in life. So, in essence, my dream is currently at stake because I’m too sick to attend one day of class.
            There are a few reasons why this makes absolutely no sense to me. First, college courses are a consumable product. We, as students, are the consumer. According to CollegeBoard, an organization that many of us took advantage of to research schools and find good matches, the cost per credit hour at Ithaca College is $1,121. This averages out to approximately $80 per individual class. Imagine going to a restaurant, ordering a nice meal, and then getting full about half way through the meal. Then, your waiter comes over to your table and says “Oh, at this establishment we require you to finish your meal or else we charge a ‘food-wasting’ fee”. In the end, I would have been better off ordering a smaller meal resulting in less profit for the restaurant. The same idea applies to college. A student would be pressured into dropping classes that they are missing a lot of, thusly paying the school less money.
            In addition, the purpose of a grading system is to represent the amount of knowledge as student has shown on the given topic of a class. According to the standards kept at Harvard University, a grade represents “the quality and quantity of your work submitted throughout the term”(Harvard 1). In other words, all that a professor should judge when determining the grade of an individual is the body of work completed by the student. Therefore, lowering a grade for missed classes would be an inaccurate representation of the knowledge a student has shown.
            So, how necessary is it that I should feel obliged to crawl my way across campus to class? Under the current policy, I received a 2.98 GPA after fall semester. This was a result of missing two classes past the allotted amount in my U.S. Politics class. Had I attended those classes, my GPA would have been a 3.12. Had this occurred at the end of spring semester, missing two classes essentially would have been grounds for me to not be able to return to Ithaca. To answer my question, even under feverish conditions, the policies set up by the college and its individual professors forced me to leave my room and participate in classes all day long.
Soon I encountered a second feeling that I can always foresee. A slight constant gag, a harsh turning in my stomach, and an increased heaviness in breathing. I ran out of my Basic Lighting and Sound Technology class and found the closest bathroom. I returned to class without mentioning what had happened and attempted to catch up the notes I had missed.
As Thoreau, author of Walden, said, "That government is best which governs least". I feel that as adults, we students can maintain responsibility for attending class on our own and even if we cannot, the beneficiary of our money should not penalize that decision. The college setting is no place for an absence policy.



Works Cited
1.       "Grades – Harvard Summer School 2010 – Boston/Cambridge." Harvard Summer School | Summer College Courses & Summer Programs. Web. 14 Apr. 2011
2.       Pestello, Fred P. "The Social Construction of Grades." Teaching Sociology. American Sociological Association. 414-17. Jstor, 2008. Web. 14 Apr. 2011.
3.    "Ithaca College." Collegeboard.com. Collegeboard, 2010. Web. 14 Apr. 2011.
4.       Byron, Lee. "Attedance Policy for B.F.A. Classes." Ithaca College Theater Dept., 30 Jan. 2011. Web. 14 Apr. 2011.
 

16 comments:

  1. Hey Alex!
    I really liked your paper topic. It was a new refreshing topic that not many people would think about for a narrative argument such as this. I thought it was a particularly good argument since it’s something many of us in your audience can relate to and sympathize with. Your opening sentence was very detailed and intense and descriptive. It drew me right in because I know that exact feeling of waking up and instantly knowing that you are sick. I also can sympathize with missing the comfort and care of your mother when you are away from home and sick. I also thought that it was creative to use the Ithaca College student resources manual as a source. It was also shocking to realize that a low enough GPA could cause you to lose your scholarship, which showed the reader how much you had at stake if you got sick enough to be absent from enough classes. It was really touching to me to read your second paragraph and read about all of the reasons as to why theater is so important to you and such a huge part of your life. It showed your personal passion and dedication to what you study. I also really liked the dramatic closing sentence of your second paragraph because it revealed how much you were risking for missing one day of class. I also thought the fourth paragraph metaphor about the restaurant was very clever and made a lot of sense. In the fifth paragraph it was amazing to see what a huge difference too many absences made to your GPA. I honestly think you should send this essay into whoever is in charge of the attendance policy rules here at Ithaca College. It is a very persuasive piece, especially with the Thoreau quote at the conclusion since our school seems to worship him so much.
    There were only a two places which I thought could use some improvement. First of all in your third paragraph your parenthesis where you were supposed to cite your source is empty. Secondly, I think your paragraph that describes you having to leave class because you were on the verge of blowing chunks could be moved up a little in your essay. It is sort of awkwardly placed right now. Other than that, solid job- your essay was reaallllll good.

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  2. Hello Alexander,
    Your paper was very well written. Your topic was very smart and relatable. You did a great job in showing, not telling, your story and keeping the reader interested. I could really feel and relate to what you were going through. Your argument was well thought out and your sources backed your argument very well and helped add credibility to your argument.

    When I finished reading your essay I was completely on your side and empowered to try to do something to change the absence policy. My only issue is that I didn't know what to do. You told, and showed, the reader that something needs to change, but we have no idea how to change it. Giving a solution will round out your essay and add encouragement for your audience.
    Great job,
    Anna

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  3. Alex,

    What a great topic! It's also so relatable for everyone in class. You started out your paper great, with a captivating introduction that showed your own voice clearly. Your story clearly exemplified a point that you were trying to make- your claim. It was such a great start!

    I can think of only a few changes. Like Anna, I was a bit unsure what to do with this. I understood your point but, wanted to know how to fix it. But, my main critique was that I wasn't sure that your paper had ended when it did. I was waiting for another paragraph to sum it up. Maybe make it more clear?

    Other than that, not much to say. Great work!
    Peggy

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  4. Alex,

    You pose a very strong argument here, which is well-supported by your narrative. Great job framing this!

    I really enjoyed your descriptive language, especially in certain parts of the first paragraph. I also liked your introduction of the sickometer, which helped to contextualize how you were feeling and helped me relate.

    You put the severity of the policy into a very serious perspective, using your scholarship and potential loss thereof. The only thing that could be a little misleading there is that not everybody has such a scholarship hinging on GPA. You might consider making that aspect a little more relatable.

    I was a little incredulous about your paragraph where you talk about the grading system. There have been many studies done on the system, its uses, and its effectiveness. I, as an education major, certainly don't see the grading system as a tool so useless that it only accounts for the student's progress. The quote you used from Harvard didn't convince me, either. I think what they mean by quantity is not quantity of physical work produced (which can easily be made up after a sick day), but also the quantity of time spent outside and INSIDE class.

    Overall, definitely a strong, relatable, and mostly believable paper. I think there's little you need to change to make this a really convincing argument. Well done!

    -Matthew Fisher

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  5. Alex,

    Great choice of topic! I definitely found your essay very easy to relate to, especially as a student here at Ithaca. I like that you chose to shed some light on this issue because I definitely agree with what you have to say.

    I loved the narrative portion of the essay. You did great job of setting the scene of you waking up sick. It's something we've all experience, so again, it was easy to relate to. I also liked each of your following points. They were well articulated and backed by great support.

    As others have already said, the only thing I wanted to see was some kind of proposition in the end. Your essay kind of just ended without a solution to the problem. I think of you include a solution, this essay will be much stronger.

    Great first draft. Good luck on the next one!

    Justine

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  7. Hey Alex,
    I really enjoyed your introduction. I don’t think I can explain how many times I’ve been in that situation. You are very detailed and I feel as though I’m there with you. Your word sickometer also gives a light tone to your story.

    Your second paragraph is very audience grabbing. I actually didn’t know the theatre department was ranked that highly but I can see the severity of your case and I’m hooked. I am however a bit confused with your analogy of the very expensive meal. I think maybe if you added another sentence further explaining it would clarify it for me.
    I think your paragraph on the standard at Harvard is very interesting and you really set a strong argument. I’m also sorry for your lowered gpa. That seems really unfair. Very witty ending, to use our class book.
    My only real suggestion is that maybe you can further explain how you would change the absence requirement. My classes my grades are only lowered if I have unexcused absences but if I e-mail my teachers about my situation they usually understand. Would you want a less strict absence requirement? If so, you could also talk about the possible ramifications and such. But overall I think this is a witty, strong paper. Good Job!

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  8. Hey Alex!

    I like your topic for this paper-it is original, and, in my opinion, important, especially because I feel the third campus plague coming on (i.e. I have that tingling in my throat...) You do a good job of giving personal examples of how this policy has directly affected you.

    I like the statistics presented in the second paragraph-it gives a sense of futility when you are sick and really can't make it to class. Sounds rough, and kinda ridiculous. However, don't forget to cite that information, like the quote from the theater program's attendance policy or the cost of classes from collegeboard.

    Which brings me to my next point. I like the metaphor you use about the restaurant, and by comparing IC to Harvard, you show that there are alternatives to the slightly ridiculous attendance policy.

    Sometimes, however, I feel that your points are slightly amiss. I can't put a finger on it. ON the whole, I see what you're arguing, but the second and third paragraphs leave me slightly confused as to what you are saying. It almost seems as if you jump to certain conclusions, and I don't really jump with you.

    I like it, though, and other than that, I can't think of too much to say now-I'll leave the juicy stuff for class tomorrow.

    Caleb Miller

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  9. Alex,

    Wow i did not see that coming at all. I really fell right into your essay. I think the reason i fell right into it was because of the way you started it and led us right into the story. You had a good story because i felt you did a good job foreshadowing to what was going to happen when you were sick. I also liked how your brought up the food idea when sitting at a restaurant and then the grading system with what Harvard said about missing class does not show what kind of knowledge the student has.

    One problem is to maybe find a way to incorporate more of the sources or find a way to have some more information, this essay might have been to much about yourself.

    Overall this was a great essay and i actually enjoyed reading it. Goodluck on the Final!!

    Colby

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  10. Alex,
    This paper is absolutely fantastic in my opinion, it felt really personal and I was able to feel your frustration and the annoyance at the schools policies very well. Ethos really really works to your advantage here and I'm glad that you took advantage of it. Possibly incorporating your sources a little more indepth would be beneficial but I really enjoyed the paper, great job.

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  11. Alex,

    Your topic is definitely relatable and you play to your audience through this and by using two sources that are directly related to IC. It was also a topic that I don't think many people would have thought to write a narrative argument about, but you did a good job. I also liked how you used a comparative source by mentioning the policies at Harvard.

    I think that you could get into your argument a little quicker. The narrative aspect of your paper goes on for like a paragraph and a half. It was good, but you might think about cutting maybe a sentence or two?

    I have nothing major to say about your paper. Good job!

    Jennifer

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  12. Alex,

    You've got a great first draft here man, not only did I enjoy reading it, but I also felt really connected to the topic and the way you presented it. The narrative certainly caught my attention and by the time you started presenting information, I was already engrossed in what you were saying.

    However, sometimes I felt as if the information you provided could have been a little more in tune with the rest of the paper. The Harvard example is one spot where I thought we needed a bit more. I understood how it fit, but as it stands, the argument was not that strong. I think that if you can more directly relate the quote to attendance (what is Harvard's attendance policy anyways?) it would be stronger.

    Otherwise, you have a really strong paper here, congratulations and keep up the good work dude!

    -Drew

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  13. Alex,
    This is a great first draft! I really liked the topic because many, if not all, college students can relate to this situation happening to them and thinking the exact same thing. The detail in your paper had me picturing everything you mentioned to a tee and that made me keep reading through the essay without hesitation. I especially liked your comparison to the restaurant and bringing up Harvard because it just added more credibility and representativeness to your argument.
    The only things I think that could make your essay better would be to maybe bring your argument in earlier and use you sources more to solidify the points that you make.
    Other than those few things, this is a great narrative essay. Hope my suggestions help!
    Rachel

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  14. Alex,

    Great paper! Your use of detail gives great insight into what you do as a theatre arts major, and how important it is to you. After spending time in the theatre department as a non-major, I can only imagine (and have heard tons of stories about) the intensity of the work for majors.

    That being said, I'm completely on your side from the first paragraph to the last as you describe your battle with Ithaca's class absence policy. Nice topic choice, by the way. It was definitely refreshing to read, and it's something I'm sure we can all relate to.

    You do a great job explaining the policy and how unfair it is. The restaurant metaphor was fantastic. But, as some people have already pointed out, you fail to suggest a solution. The Harvard paragraph about quality of work handed in is a fantastic start. I think you can develop that into a nice solution proposal.

    --Francesca

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  15. good essay alex, your topic is very original and relatable to a college aged audience. Some advice would be to possibly shorten your story and get into the meat of the essay a bit sooner just so no one loses interest. Also i thought you should talk about the reality that students living in dorms are more likely to sick due to the communal style of living. Some times you're analysis of the sources is a little dry and i didn't like how you drew the connections, it seemed a little informal and made your argument seem too lack representativeness. I dont think you have much to worry about though because when you cited the absence policy i was totally shocked at how absurd it sounded, so its not like you dont have a good place to start your argument.

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  16. Hey Alex!

    First off, I want to say that I really enjoyed your topic. I, along with most students that are going to college, can relate to it easily and probably feel the same way you do. Like you, a few of my grades have suffered due to unexcused absences, even though my classwork and test grades were in the A range, and I find this completely unfair.
    Your actual essay was very well-written. Your anecdote consistently kept my attention and easily had me sympathizing with you. The only main issue I had with you essay is that you didn't really include a resolution for the problem. I doubt the school will ever want to exclude absences from the grading system so what could be the alternative?
    Hope this helps a bit. Good luck with your final draft!

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